i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
