if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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