I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I can't turn off my feet"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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