My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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