It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
