oh god the rape fog is back!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
