I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
