Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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