you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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