It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
