weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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