I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
