oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
