Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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