And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
