i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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