Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
