she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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