can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
