I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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