i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize