Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
