I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sext me about skeletons
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
