I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
