I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
