you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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