If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
