I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
