You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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