Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
