Don't you send me to vm
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize