she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
