there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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