Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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