so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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