how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
