It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
