So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
