WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
