I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
