i don't like sucking hair
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
