I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
