You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
