dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
