I CAN MOONWALK!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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