Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
