She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
