He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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