im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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