So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
