how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize