Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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