Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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