READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
