so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize