she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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