I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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