At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
