Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
