Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
