I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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