i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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