dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
