So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im holly from the hills drunk
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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