Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
