So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Randomize
