Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
