i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
