It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
