The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize