you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
