I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
