Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
