don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
