Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
