he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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