Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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