hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
