I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
