When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he thought i was a dude.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
