she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
