my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize