pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize