If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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