gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize