Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
