I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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