just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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