i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
