Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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