Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize