i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize