OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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