Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I cockslap morals
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
