and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
