omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
